Are you able to relate to the fact that your mom has asked you to fetch milk and you in a grumpy half-sleepy state of mind are wandering aimlessly to the dairy – that is when khatarnaak Auntie #1 watches you as she sweeps her verandah. You’ve been a childhood defaulter in her eyes ever since you set foot on the soil. She is the one who regularly claims that there is something wrong with you.

I am very well able to relate to that. Because this lady always makes it a point to get on my nerves – though thank goodness, my heart hasn’t jumped out of my rib-cage so far because of the obvious nerve-wreck.

She looked at me queerly and I smiled back, hurrying my steps. But she stopped me with her nod. I fix that grin as I approach her, feeling the gates of my brain shut with a clank.

Terrific Auntie #1 [Wielding a broomstick in her hand] – Kaun se standard mein hai?

I (Almost got a heart attack) – Auntie mai job karti hu. [I attach my astonishment with a fake grin]

Terrific Auntie’s turn to get Heart Attack – Aisa kya? Kab se?

I (Trying to mentally do a math) – Auntie, 6 saal ho gaye hai.

More shock for Terrific Auntie #1 – Toh Graduation kiya?

Me [Do I look 17 feeling] – Ji Auntie. Graduation bhi kiya aur Masters bhi kiya.

Terrific Auntie [Eyes so round, it will pop out of the socket] – Itni padhi-likhi hai tu? Naukri bhi karti hai. Shaadi nahi karegi?

I [Totally speechless. My Education and Marital status correlated I never knew] – Ji Auntie. Mummy aur Papa dhundh rahe hai.

Terrific Auntie #1 – Umar nahi ho gayi teri rey. Kar lene ka.

When she said “Kar lene ka” and the lack of specifics – there was a whole lot of list going through my mind that I should be doing and the list began with taking her broomstick and thwacking my own skull. I could have feigned that I didn’t see her and walked on but no – I had to be a good girl!

Terrific Auntie #1 [Contemptuously]  – Meri Neha toh 22 ki thi tab hi sasural gayi thi tujhe pataa hai!

I remember Neha didi – she was exactly ten years old than me and belonged to a generation a decade older than mine. May be marrying at 22 then might have been the right thing to do – but we girls do a lot of stuff other than just marrying these days,

I didn’t give her a piece of my thoughts. I politely nodded, bowed my head and left from there. That seemed to be the only sensible thing to do. I entered my home and gave mom an acidic look and a blow by blow description of the conversation. If anything positive happened out of it, my mom laughed. She burst into raucous peals of laughter. That was when I broke into a laugh too. I think I needed mom’s perspective of humor. After all, Terrific Auntie #1 was another person on the street and my neighborhood.